A couple of years ago, I had gone for an Aura reading. I’m still a little unconvinced of how precise the whole reading was. Yet, there were a lot of aspects of my life that sprung up with utmost accuracy. What I clearly remember, like a sign from the higher power, was one message in particular.

I’ve always had a very close relationship with God. Ever since I was six, I’ve recognized and connected with an energy that was evidently existing around me. When I went for this reading, I mentioned this connection, to the lady, with much pride. As we went ahead with the reading, I was explained how the Chakras work and she began my analysis from my Root Chakra. Most of what she said was surprisingly accurate; even the slightest details of my life; how they had made me feel and how they affect my Chakras.

When she reached my Third Eye and Crown Chakras, she merely said “Look at this”, pointing to the screen that displayed my result, “and you say you have a deep connection with the divine!”. A strange laughter followed this comment. A laughter that was a combination of ‘oh-you-silly-girl’ and ‘are-you-freaking-kidding-me’. I was instantly hurt. Various emotions rose from within me in that moment and all of a sudden, one thought took over. ‘Was I going wrong somewhere?’

Indeed her tone at that point wasn’t sensitive; but I felt an energy from within, motivating me to pay attention to what she was trying to say.

“You don’t know how to surrender Shoma. You might have a connection with God, yet, you feel a desperate need to control everything in your life. Learn to surrender. Let go. Trust the divine. That, in fact will be a real connection.”

It took me some time to gather what she had said. Then all of a sudden, it hit me so hard that I couldn’t really hear anything she said after that. As I walked out of her office, those lines reverberated in my mind. I went back home in a dazed state and stayed in that state for a few hours.

As I fell asleep that night, I realized how this was, in fact, true. Various instances from my life passed before my mind showing me how it was so difficult for me to let go. There was this dire need to control everything and everyone around me. At that point in my life I was still discovering a zillion things about myself. Therefore, for some reason, this learning sat on the backburner.

A couple of years passed. In these years, a lot progressed, within me. I learnt other precious lessons.

In November 2015, Nrityanidhi, my eleven year old dance institution found its new home in Bandra; a huge dream come true for me. With that, my liabilities per month, shot up from a few ten thousands to over a couple of lakhs. Everything happened so fast that I had no time to even contemplate the huge “risk” that this involved. (I put risk in double inverted commas ‘coz how can you define ‘risk’ anyway? For an adventure junkie, risk is probably jumping off of a cliff and for a pessimist, risk is waking up every morning!)

I was merely chasing my dreams. Having Nrityanidhi at Bandra was a dream I had visualized ever since I had come to Mumbai, (leaving the comforts of my home in Bangalore behind), as a nineteen year old.

All of a sudden, a plan had fallen into place and my intuition strongly encouraged me to go ahead with renting this exquisite place. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always followed my intuition. My intuition has guided me towards the greatest decisions of my life, as if my Mother is guiding me someplace. So, in full faith, I have always followed. (I will definitely write another blog on this some day)

All in all, on November 1st, 2015, I was busy getting Nrityanidhi done up for the grand opening. My Students were all excited. My family, all proud. I cried, every single day, with uncontrollable joy. This had finally happened. Little did I know that this was the beginning of a full fledged course in SURRENDER!

My back-up finance kept getting delayed and I felt like that boy (forgetting his name), from Life of Pi, stuck in the middle of an ocean with a Tiger on board. Each month, I found myself juggling tension, mixed with scary visions of the owners dragging me out of the place. Maaammmmaaaa!!!! :'(

The miraculous thing was how everything kept working well, despite the “situation”. There were days when I had ten grand in my account and a payment of a lakh to make in the next week. All of a sudden, from one expected/unexpected source, money would manifest and payments were taken care of. It took me eight months of “stress” to recognize this magical pattern. ‘Wait. What is going on? Its been eight months and I haven’t been dragged out of this place. Somehow, magically, each payment is being taken care of??!! How?? Eight months. Multiple payments. This cannot just be a coincidence. I AM BEING TAKEN CARE OF………….”

In the ninth month, I completely gave up. I stopped checking my bank balance. I stopped calculating the incoming/outgoing. I just LET GO. I could finally see what was really happening. I could see it, clearly; like my Teacher had solved a math problem on the black board in front of me. The answer was right there. LET GO. SURRENDER.

I did that and guess what, my back-up money finally came in; after nine long months of a ‘tight rope walk’! Can you believe that?

Well, if you know the amazing power of the Universe, you probably know that this is how it works. I have now started applying this learning to various other areas of my life; relationships, performances, dreams and even simple things like dinner plans. Someone up there knows much more than I. What I think is the best for me is always limited by my human-ness (Aha! I just made up that word and it sounds awesome! ;))

How many times in life has a “misfortune” turned out to be a blessing in the long run? Every single experience contributes to the larger picture of You realizing who You really are! Then what is unfortunate really? How can one judge an experience in these terms? The next question on my mind, was “Then do I stop dreaming and aspiring for things?” The answer that followed was “Not at all! You always have that right in your hands. Enjoy the exciting juices of dreams and aspirations. Then… let go. Allow those balloons to float up and travel through space. They’ll all manifest in least expected moments and least expected ways. Stay detached and focus on considering yourself worthy of everything you aspire. Open your heart and your mind to receiving the best, always and all ways”